You Must Be Joking!
by scarletngrayangel
Summary: In Harry's 6th year, an unusual new teacher arrives. Could she be what Harry and Draco need to realize their true feelings? HD slash. Note: Not compliant with OotP or HBP sorry!
1. Introductions Are Made

Alright, so after a long hiatus (very long, I know) I have taken this story and made some changes. The plot is still the same, but I wasn't quite happy with the way things were. So, here's the new (and hopefully improved) version of You Must Be Joking!

Chapter One: Introductions Are Made

"We're going to miss the train Ron!" Hermione screamed up the stairs, trunk standing beside her.

"No we're not!" Ron yelled, lugging his own trunk down said stairs. "Come on Harry, we're going to miss the train!" he added in the other direction.

Hermione crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Honestly." she muttered.

"Harry, where's your trunk?" Ron asked, trying to see if he missed it.

Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I can't seem to find my invisibility cloak. You guys don't happen to know where it is, do you?" he asked, hoping they had it, or had at least seen it.

Ron and Hermione shook their heads. "Sorry Harry." Hermione said regretfully, knowing how much it meant to him. "We have a few minutes though. I'm sure we can find it."

"Yeah." Harry said dejectedly.

The trio left Gryffindor Tower on a mission. They would find Harry's cloak even if it was the last thing they did.

As they walked towards the stairs, a voice called out to them. "Lose something?" Behind them, leaning against a wall, stood Draco Malfoy, hand around something, though it appeared to be thin air. It was obvious that he had Harry's cloak. And now Harry remembered where he had left it.

"Give it here." he said, slowly walking towards him.

"I don't know that I should. You really should learn to take better care of your things." Draco replied, eyeing where the cloak was.

"Bloody Malfoy." Ron muttered, shaking his head.

"Oh, honestly!" Hermione cried in frustration. She walked over to where Draco stood and ripped the cloak out of his hands, leaving Harry and Draco speechless. "Here." she said, handing the garment to Harry. "Now let's go. If we don't hurry we'll miss the train." She then grabbed Ron by the hand and pulled him with her, protesting all the way.

Harry gave one last glance in Draco's direction before following them.

Half an hour later saw them on the train, leaving Hogwarts, and another year, behind.

"Really Hermione, you worry too much." Ron said with a sigh. "Like we'd really miss the train."

Hermione looked up from her book. "It wouldn't be the first time." she said, remembering their second year.

Ron's mouth dropped open. "That wasn't our fault!" he cried in outrage.

Harry sighed, knowing it would be a long train ride. Tuning them out, he looked out the window and thought back to the year that had officially come to an end. What a wild ride that was...

It was Harry's sixth year and everybody was anxiously waiting for the opening feast to begin. Dumbledore stood for his start of year announcements and the room filled with silence. If you looked at him, you could see a strange twinkle in his eyes. He knew something that he wasn't telling. "This year we have a new muggle studies professor, a course which has been made mandatory due to recent events." This brought a chorus of groans and cries of outrage. When the hall became silent again, he continued. "Her name is Miranda Drason." he said, looking around the Great Hall. "Oh, dear. It appears as though she hasn't arrived yet." Everyone could tell there was something left unsaid, which normally was not a good thing. However, before he could continue, the door opened and in walked a young woman. She was of average height, with long black hair and blue eyes. Although she was wearing a robe, she had on a pair of blue jeans and a light yellow t-shirt. On her feet was a pair of sneakers. She walked right up to the staff table and took the remaining seat on the end.

Snape noticed how young she looked and immediately protested. "Headmaster, she can't be more than nineteen. Are you sure she's qualified?"

It was then that Miranda finally spoke, "Actually, I'm seventeen. Oh, and sorry I'm late. It was hard to navigate the halls and staircases. It's really quite amazing how they move and...yes, sorry." When she spoke, they noticed something else.

"She's an American?" This time it was McGonagall.

Snape had had enough. "Are you sure you haven't lost your mind?" he questioned, staring at the headmaster as thought he truly believed he had.

Soon everybody was talking about the newest addition to Hogwarts' teaching staff. However, they all stopped when Miranda spoke again, her statement bringing dead silence. "Now really, how hard can it be to teach muggle studies? Especially if you're a muggle!"

Upon hearing that Miranda was a muggle, the room filled with silence for several moments. Then, a voice came from the Slytherin table. "A muggle?! How did this happen?" Following this, the room erupted into chaos. Te professors and students were all talking amongst themselves. Some were even arguing. Cries of "They can't possibly allow her to teach here!" and "Dumbledore has finally lost it. Completely mad!" could be heard among the clamor.

Dumbledore sighed. This was not going well at all. Not that he had expected it to go well, but still. He glanced over at Miranda to see how she was taking this. Expecting to find her upset or outraged at the comments being made about her, he found her to be calm. It appeared she was also amused. At the time that she had been offered the teaching position, she had been warned that there would be several, if not many, who would dislike her due to her young age and the fact she was not a witch. This did not bother her at all. She was used to being places where people did not like her and often avoided her. At least this she could handle. They may not be polite towards her, but at least they said something.

What many did not know was that Miranda had been hired for more than her teaching ability. Dumbledore chose her specifically because she was of such a young age and a muggle on top of everything else. The fact that she was an American was an added bonus for him. He could get her perspective on many things to help him in the was against Voldemort. Plus, she could relate to the studente on a more personal lever, being closer in age to them than the rest of the professors.

Miranda soon noticed that Dumbledore was trying to calm and silence the students with the help of a few of the professors, but to no avail. It was then that a voice filled the room. "QUIET!" It was Hermione, who had had quite enough. While everyone had been talkin and arguing, she had sat there and had given the situation much thought. Noticing the professors struggle to calm the students without yelling, she took the reasonable approach. Yelling would be the only way to quiet some of these students. Noticing the whole room had quieted, and focused their attention on her, she blushed. "Yes, sorry. I think that we should give her a chance. If Dumbledore feels that she is qualified, then we should go along with that judgement. Besides, being a muggle does not affect her teaching skills. In fact, she may even be better qualified because of it. Plus, she's an Americana and that can help offer a different perspective. At least give her a chance."

Having said this, she sat back down. The Gryffindors agreed whole-heartedly and said so. The Hufflepuffs agreed as well, but did not comment. They did feel some sympathy towards her as they knew she would have a hard road ahead. The Ravenclaws had their doubts, but decided to give her a chance. If she proved to be a good teacher, that was good enough for them. The Slytherins were extremely unhappy, but seeing that there was nothing they could do about it, they just scowled and began plotting the best way to make her time at Hogwarts as miserable as possible.

Dumbledore stood and finished his speech, thanking Hermione, who blushed yet again. The food soon appeared and everyone started eating, forgettign all about their new professor. Miranda ate as well, though not much, realizing that she had quite a challange ahead of her. But she looked forward to it and the fun it would bring.

When the feast was over, the students took off for their dormitories. Miranda left the staff table and ran to catch up to Hermione, who was chatting with Harry and Ron. "Hey, thanks for what you said in there. I really appreciated it. I guess I'll see you later. Hermione, Ron, Harry." With that, Miranda took off for her own quarters.

"Uh, you're welcome." Hermione called after her. They started walking again towards Gryffindor tower, when Hermione realized something and stopped both Ron and Harry. "Wait a minute. How did she know my name?"

That night, Hermione tried to come up with every possible explanation for why Professor Drason knew her name. Meanwhile, Ron and Harry were immersed in a game of chess. "Ha! Checkmate!" Ron shouted.

Hermione turned on him, her eyes shooting daggers. "Can't you see I'm trying to concentrate?! Besides, you always win!" She then started pacing and returned to listing off possible reasons.

Ron rolled his eyes, while Harry began to wonder when Ron and Hermione would finally realize their feelings for one another and stop their bickering. Alright, so it was doubtfull they would ever completely stop bickering.

After awhile, Ron began to fall asleep in his chair, bored from Hermione's ranting. It did not last for long, for soon Hermione noticed and jerked Ron awake. "Have you heard a word I said?" she asked ferociously.

Ron had caught bits and pieces and had a general idea of what Hermione was talking about. "Yeah, Professor Drason knows your name. Who cares? She knew mine and Harry's too, but you don't see us losing sleep over it!" Ron exclaimed, before storming up the stairs.

Harry watched this and decided to go upstairs himself. After all, it was getting late. Or at least that is what he tried to tell himself. He actually did not want to end being on the receiving end of Hermione's anger. Besides, he had a lot to think about. Like how he was going to tell is friends that he was gay. He had figured it out over the summer when he had noticed himself checking out the quidditch players in the new book Ron had sent him for his birthday. It was not a total shock, seeing as how he had never really noticed girls in 'that way.' Well, there had been Cho, but that turned out to be nothing more than a small crush. Since then, he had not so much as turned his head when it came to the opposite sex.

When he entered the room, he noticed that Ron was already asleep. That was good, since he did not want to listen to Ron rant anymore than he did Hermione. Looking around, he saw that Neville and Dean were also asleep. Seamus, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen. Probably off with some girl, if the rumors were true.

Harry settled into bed and fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. The last thought he had before drifting off was about what Professor Drason had said. "How did she know Hermione's name?"

Meanwhile, down in the dungeons, Miranda was adding a few touches to what was now to be her 'home.' She liked the cold, and since Professor Snape was the only one currently occupying the space, it seemed like a perfect solution. So she was given the rooms just down the hall from his, though he was practically livid when he found out.

Unlike the students that Professor Snape taught, Miranda was not at all frightened of him. If anything, she found his comments humorous and enjoyed aggravating him to no end. In fact, his reactions made her laugh all the more, though she never let him know that. If she did, he might stop reacting in such a way. Instead, she let him believe that he irritated her as much as she irritated him.

"No," she said, remembering the chat with Dumbledore, "I don't believe I'll have a bad year at all. In fact, things look pretty good!"


	2. Meet the Slytherins

Alright, so here is chapter two. Finally getting into some completely new stuff now. Also, chapter three is finished. So it will be posted as soon as I get some reviews!

Chapter Two: Meet the Slytherins

The next morning at breakfast, the students received their schedules, much to the dread of some. The largest protests came from the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables, though for quite different reasons.

"Double potions with the Slytherins again!" Ron groaned.

Hermione sighed. "I swear, one of these years somebody's going to get killed."

"I can only hope I'm around to see it if it's Malfoy." Ron commented, resulting in Hermione smacking him in the back of the head.

Harry rolled his eyes and looked at his own schedule. "We have muggle studies this afternoon." he noted.

Hermione looked up from her own schedule. "Yes, I'm quite looking forward with that."

"Seems we're not the only ones to have that class today." Ron replied with a grin, having discovered why the Slytherin table was in a state of mass chaos. "Slytherins have Professor Drason right after breakfast."

"What a way to start the term." Harry replied, a large smile on his face.

Hermione did not share in their happiness. "Yes, but think of poor Professor Drason. Her first class will be spent with students the same age as her. And Slytherins at that." She looked sympathetically at the staff table where Professor Drason was chatting amiably with Professor Sprout about the differences in muggle botany and wizard herblogy.

"I'd hate to be in her position." Ron said between bites. "Bad enough having class with them. Imagine trying to teach the gits!"

The Gryffindors all shuddered at the thought.

OOOOO

Miranda happily finished her breakfast and went to the classroom she would be using on the second floor. Despite getting the Slytherins first thing in the morning, she was in good spirits. She had had a nice conversation with Professor Sprout, and her breakfast had been delicious. "No more cold cereal and burnt toast." she said with glee. As she opened her bag and took out her papers, she noticed the Slytherins walk through the door, all shooting glares at her. Grabbing a stack of papers, she walked to the front of the class and stared out at them with a smile on her face. "Welcome to muggle studies! I'm sure we'll all have lots of fun." Having said this, their glares intensified and could be said to look murderous. "Well, I will at any rate!" She then started passing the papers out to the students who stared at them with disdain, unwilling to touch them. "What you have before you is a syllibis. Do with it what you like. Destroy if you feel so inclined. Believe me, it won't hurt my feelings in the slightest, though you might upset some environmentalists."

"What?" Crabbe asked, obviously confused, as was everyone else.

"En-vi-ron-men-tal-ists." Miranda repeated, enunciating each syllable. "It's not important, but we can cover it later on if you want. Now, back to the syllabis. Just remember, you are responsible for the material listed on those pages, as well as the assignments. Should you fail to do those, I will not hesitate in failing you. You will see that attendence is optional, but again, you are responsible for anything you miss. Feel free to come see me if you have any problems. Do you have any questions?" She looked out at their faces, noticing their expressions had not changed. "Good! Now that we have that cleared up, let's move on." Just then, the door opened and a student walked in and took a seat three rows back. Miranda walked over to him and laid a syllibis in front of him. "You must be Draco Malfoy." she said with a smile.

Draco looked at her venomously, arms crossed. "How do you know that?" he demanded.

Miranda continued to smile. "That's for me to know and you to find out, but only if you're good." She then pointed to the syllibis, ignoring the smoldering looks coming from the blonde haired male. "This is the syllibis for the course, which I'm sure your friends can fill you in on." She stopped a moment and looked at him questioningly. "You do have friends, right?"

"Of course I have friends!" he cried in outrage, staring her down.

"Oh, well that's good." Miranda said, smile returning. She then returned to the front of the class. "Now, before we begin, do you know anything about muggles?"

"We'd be much better off without them." Pansy muttered, causing the room to erupt in laughter.

Miranda giggled, surprising the Slytherins. "Ok, do you know anything positive about muggles?" Blaise rasied his hand, surprising his housemates. "I'm sure I'll regret this, but yes?" Miranda called on him.

"Without them, we would not have the Dark Lord." Blaise replied confidently.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "I was afraid of that. Alright, new approach. What do you want to learn about muggles?"

"How about how to kill them?" Draco drawled.

"Hmm." Miranda said, thinking it over. Then, her eyes lit up and she smiled at them deviously. "I think I may have a place for us to begin."

OOOOO

"Did you hear about the Slytherins?" Hermione asked Harry and Ron at lunch. "Something strange happened with them in muggle studies."

"Something bad, I hope." Ron said hopefully.

Hermione shook her head, but then went back to her story. "No, Professor Drason taught them today!"

"We know that 'Mione." Ron said scoffing. "We talked about it at breakfast, remember?"

"You don't understand! She actually _taught_ them!" she emphasized.

Ron looked at her in puzzlement, but Harry understood. "You mean she actually taught them something? Without being hexed or anything?"

Hermione nodded enthusiastically while Ron's eyes widened as he finally understood. "But that's impossible!" Ron exclaimed. "Slytherins listening to muggles? What's the world coming to?"

"I just want to know how she did it." Harry said earnestly.

"It seems she appealed to their darker inclinations." Hermione said, not sure she approved.

Ron sighed. "I wish we could have that class with the Slytherins instead of potions." Harry and Hermione nodded their heads in agreement.

OOOOO

When lunch finished up, the Gryffindors eagerly made their way to the second floor. It seemed that the news about the Slytherins had spread like wildfire. Since then, most of the students were now eagerly awaiting their class with the new professor, the Gryffindors being no exception.

As they entered the room, Miranda looked up from her writing. Watching them take their seats, she stood up and grabbed the stacks of syllibi. "Welcome to muggle studies! As I told the Slytherins, we'll have lots of fun this year. I don't think they believed me, though." she said, causing the Gryffindors to laugh. She then began walking around the room, giving each student a syllibus. "Anyway, this is your syllibis for the year. It's pretty simple really. You are responsible for any material or assignments listed. Attendence is optional, but you will need to get the notes from someone. If you have any problems or questions, don't hesitate to come see me. And as I told the Slytherins, you are more than welcome to destroy this syllibis should you so chose, though I doubt that will be a problem in here." She looked around the room and noticed the blank stares. "Ok, any questions?" Hermione raised her hand. "Yes?" she called.

"Well, I was just wondering what you taught the Slytherins that was so terrible?" she asked, obviously curious.

Everyone in the room waited for the answer, wanting to know the exact same thing. Miranda laughed before continuing. "Oh, that. I was teaching them the history of muggle weaponry. They seemed quite fascinated, surprisingly."

"Isn't that dangerous?" Hermione questioned.

Miranda sighed. "The weapons themselves are dangerous. What they don't realize is that they'll be receiving a muggle history lesson. They think they'll be learning about weapons, and although they will, they will be getting a lesson in the wars those weapons were used in. Of course I can also tie in other topics with that." she explained.

Hermione smiled. "Quite ingenious really."

"I thought so too." Miranda agreed. "Any other questions?"

"Are we going to be learning about that too?" Lavender asked, not caring for the idea.

"Only if you want." Miranda said. "It would only be fair to let you have some say in the topic, since the Slytherins had some in theirs. Even if it was accidental. So, anything that you would like to learn about?"

Soon everyone was talking at once. Lavender and Parvati wanted to know more about pop culture and fashion. Neville wanted to know about gardening. Ron, Seamus and Dean wanted to talk about muggle sports. Harry and Hermione did not have a particular preference, both having been raised by muggles.

Miranda silenced the class. "How about everyone writes down one thing they want to cover most, and then we can make sure to cover each one before the year ends."

The Gryffindors agreed and Miranda began passing around pens and paper.

"What's this?" Ron asked, looking at the pen in his hand.

Hermione sighed. "That, Ronald, is a pen."

"But what do I do with it?" he asked.

"You write with it." Harry responded, showing Ron.

Ron sighed. "I swear, muggles are certainly odd."

"Ron..." Hermione warned, glaring at him while Harry rolled his eyes.

"Oh, right. Sorry." Ron apologized, slightly afraid.

Noticing the situation, Miranda decided to collect the papers from each of the students. "If you're done, you can give me your papers and leave. I'm sorry to say it, but class is over for another day. Just make sure you do the essay assigned on the syllibis." she reminded as they handed in their papers and left.

When they had all left, she flipped through the ideas she had been given. "Hmm." she said. "Some of these aren't half bad." She placed them in her bag and started to leave when an idea hit her. "It's perfect! Well, it is if I don't get killed." she mumbled.


	3. A Food Fight and Some Strawberries

So, here is my latest chapter (as of 2/17/07). Yes, I realize it seems a little random, but there is a point to it. Which will become evident in the next chapter or two. So, please, please, _please_ review, because I'm beginning to feel unloved here. I promise, I _do_ have the next chapter almost completed! And it's longer than this one!

Also, I realized I never put up a disclaimer on this thing. So here goes: I never have, never will, and currently do not own any of the characters or the world they live in (though I wish I did) with the exception of Miranda Drason. That is my creation, be it good or bad. So, yeah. Don't sue, for I mean no harm. Honest!

Now, on with the story!

Chapter Three: A Food Fight and Some Strawberries

To the relief of the Gryffindors, potions had been canceled for the day due to an accident involving some first year Hufflepuffs. Rumor had it that they had managed to surpass Neville in incompetence. Of course, that was just a rumor. Otherwise, things were fairly uneventful until the next night, starting at dinner when an announcement was made. It seemed that Fred and George Weasley were visiting for an extended period of time, much to the dismay of the teaching staff. It also appeared that Percy had been hired as a teaching assistant, much to the dismay of the students.

"I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry." Ron said, having mixed emotions on the subject. Then he shrugged and turned to Hermione. "Oh, well. Pass the potatoes?" he asked, stretching his hand out.

Hermione glared at him as she dipped the spoon into the mashed potatoes and proceeded in slopping them on his plate, causing some to splash on Ron.

"What'd I do this time?" he demanded as he wiped the potato flecks off his robes and face.

"As if you don't know!" she practically screamed.

Ron threw his hands up. "But I don't. I swear!"

Harry, sitting across from Ron, sighed. This was becoming a common occurrence between the two. "Just apologize so she'll calm down and we can eat in peace."

"I'm not apologizing when I don't even know _what_ I'm apologizing for." Ron replied indignantly.

"Oh c'mon." Harry pleaded. "Just get it over with." He flicked some potatoes at Ron, who managed to duck, allowing them to hit Hermione instead.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed in shock. She began to wipe off the potatoes.

At that moment, Lavender started to laugh. Seething, Hermione picked up a goblet of pumpkin juice and threw the contents at Lavender, hitting her right in the face. "How do you like it?"

"Hey!" Regaining her composure, Lavender flung some gravy towards her. With quick reflexes, Hermione ducked below the table, causing the flying gravy to hit Draco as he walked by.

Shaking the gravy off his robes, he glared down at the Gryffindor table. "Why you stupid Gryffindorks! Do you know how much these clothes are worth?"

"A lot more than you are." Ron answered.

"That's it!" Yelled a furious Draco. He walked over to the Slytherin table, picked up a piece of Yorkshire pudding, and threw it at Ron. It missed and hit Terry Boot at the Ravenclaw table, who in turn levitated and emptied the gravy bowl over Draco's head. Draco stood there looking down at his gravy soaked clothes, a mixture of anger and shock on his face. Meanwhile, Pansy shot Terry a look of anger as well as a piece of roast beef. Fortunately for Terry, Pansy was as bad a shot as Draco, causing the piece to smack Luna in the back of the head.

Outraged, Harry and Ron each picked up a roll and threw them at the Slytherin table, hitting Blaise and Goyle. The Slytherins now went to pick up food to throw in retaliation, but they never got the chance.

"That's enough! This will cease this instant." Dumbledore proclaimed from the front of the hall. "The involved parties will lose twenty points each and will be dealt with accordingly by their head of house."

The Hufflepuffs appeared terrified, even though they had not done anything. The Ravenclaws glared daggers at Terry for having lost them twenty points while Terry looked misserably at his plate. As for the Gryffindors and Slytherins, they sat glaring at each other, each feeling the other was responsible for what had transgressed. After awhile, conversation returned to the Great Hall.

Ron sighed. "Pity that roll hit Goyle." He commented to Harry. "I doubt he even noticed, what with his head being hard as rocks."

OOOOO

Later that night, Terry was patrolling the halls on prefect duty. So far, he had helped a first year Hufflepuff find his way back to the common room, found three Slytherins dueling in the hallway, and thought he heard noises coming from a supposedly empty hall closet. Other than that, it had been a slow, quiet evening. As he rounded the corner, he noticed Professor Snape.

"Ah, Mister Boot." Snape greeted with his usual sneer.

"Professor Snape." Terry responded cordially.

Before either could reply further, they heard a voice and footsteps quickly approaching them from down the hall.

"Where are the strawberries?" A voice, sounding much like Percy's, demanded.

"The what?" Terry questioned, seeing Percy several feet in front of him, followed closely behind by Fred and George.

"The strawberries." Percy repeated, as though this were obvious. "A quart of strawberries has gone missing."

Snape raised an eyebrow and looked Percy over, carefully assessing his mental status. "I was not aware there were strawberries." He finally remarked.

"That's because they've been stolen. Stolen I tell you!" Percy insisted with arms raised.

Terry stared at his confused. "What strawberries?"

"Exactly!" Percy declared as Snape sighed.

George looked at Percy, confused at what the fuss was about. "It was only strawberries."

"_What_ strawberries?" Terry asked frustrated over not knowing what was going on.

Percy ignored Terry and looked at George. "Only strawberries?" he asked incredulously. "It may start out as only strawberries, but the next thing you know it could be money, gold, gems…Maybe even cheese!'

Snape continued to give Percy a look of disbelief. "Cheese?" he asked skeptically.

Fred groaned, seeing where this was headed. "Here we go again." He muttered.

Percy ignored both Snape and Fred, continuing with his story, a look of nostalgia present on his face. "Why, when I was a mere child, a hunk of cheese went missing. Do you think I said 'But it's only cheese'? No! I looked and looked, and what do you think I found?"

George sighed, having heard this story before. "Mice."

"I found mice!" Percy proclaimed, not hearing George.

"They had eaten all the cheese." Fred chimed in.

"They had eaten all the cheese. Every last bite!" Percy continued.

"That's nice." George said, quite bored with the conversation.

"Touching story." Fred added.

Terry was more confused than ever. "But _what_ strawberries?"

Percy ignored Terry and turned to Fred and George. "Nice? Nice?! You think theft is nice?"

Snape had had quite enough. He walked over to Percy and tried steering him down the hallway, but Percy broke loose and turned to stare at him.

"You don't believe me, but you will! I will not rest until the thief is found. They'll be sorry they ever crossed Percival Weasley!" With this exclamation, he stormed off down the hall in search of the thief.

Snape shook his head in frustration. "Why do I even bother?" he asked with a sigh.

Fred looked at him with a grin. "Cheer up Snape."

"Yeah." George joined in, patting him on the shoulder. "Life could be worse."

Snape glared at the two, saying between clenched teeth "How?"

"You could always be as deluded as he is." Fred stated.

"He already is." George pointed out.

"Or you could be rooming with him." Fred tried again.

"Maybe he will be." George stated.

Fred tried one last time. "Or you could be-"

"Percy!" Fred and George declared at the same time.

Snape shuddered at the thought before glaring at them one last time and stalked away, muttering about old coots that seemed unable to hire proper staff members.

"I think he likes us Fred." George commented with a smile.

Fred turned to George with a similar smile. "I believe you're right George."

"It just took putting things in proper perspective."

"I wonder if he knows yet."

The two turned and looked at each other with a shrug before starting down the hall.

"Weasley!" a shout could be heard from the dungeons.

"Gotta run!" George yelled, grabbing Fred by the arm and running as fast as they could, leaving a bewildered Terry behind.

Terry called in the direction of the retreating form, "Would somebody _please_ tell me _what_ strawberries?" This was definitely not Terry's night.


	4. Miranda Spies & Our Heroes in Detention

Alright, here's the latest chapter (as of 3/4/07). I know, this had more Miranda than the last chapter, and I really need to cut back on her part. However, she was present throughout most of this because I wanted to better establish her part and I needed to help set up the next couple chapters. So please try not to hate it too terribly. The next chapter, although she's in it, has far less Miranda. Also, I have a chapter coming up with little/none of her. SO stay tuned and review!

Chapter Four: Miranda Spies and Our Heroes Serve Detention

Miranda waited for Terry to leave before she came out of the empty classroom she had used to hide in. Having sneaked out of the Great Hall halfway through the food fight, she had decided to wander the halls of Hogwarts, seeing what she could discover, when she had happened upon Terry Boot and Professor Snape. Deciding to eavesdrop on the conversation, she sneaked into the doorway of the nearest classroom. Although she had hoped to hear something good, she had never expected _that_. She did find herself admiring Fred and George, though. "Those are my kind of people!" she said to herself, continuing her trek down the hallway.

When Dumbledore had hired Miranda as the Muggle Studies professor, he had indeed hired her based on her background as both an American and a muggle. But he had also hired her for another reason: as a spy of sorts. It seemed that Miranda, although capable of being outspoken, had the ability of blending in with her surroundings. On more than one occasion in the muggle world she had managed to overhear conversations not for her ears. She quickly learned that being silent paid off. Of course it did not hurt that she was also able to be sneaky when the occasion called for it.

As she continued her journey, she heard a mumbled conversation coming from the empty Charms classroom. As she walked up to the doorway, she could make out two boys talking to each other.

"You should have seen it Blaise." the first voice said. "It was too easy."

The second snickered. "Stupid Gryffindorks."

"The two were so busy arguing, they didn't even realize I was there until _after_ I had pushed them in and locked the door!" the first voice continued gleefully. "It's only a matter of time before Snape catches them."

Miranda shook her head and continued walking. It now explained why only five minutes earlier Malfoy had looked like the cat who caught the canary. Well, she would have to see what she could do, which she knew being a muggle would limit her in that department. As she continued, she came to the stair case and decided to go up a floor. Carefully navigating the stairs, and feeling something brush past her, she made it and saw the last person she would have expected to see. "Isn't that Snape?" she mumbled to herself, remembering that he had last been heard yelling about the Weasley twins. Upon careful inspection, she realized that it was indeed.

"How in Merlin's name do sixth year Gryffindors manage to get themselves locked in a hall closet?" Snape asked himself, obviously angered by the recent events.

"Gryffindors, Sir." Terry reminded him as he walked by.

Snape stopped and thought a moment. "Yes, right." he agreed, before continuing on.

"People sure do get around in this place." Miranda commented after he had left. She then shrugged and continued on her way. She had not gone far when two very familiar voices reached her.

"I can't believe you!" the male said. "You always make it out to be my fault!"

"That's because it always _is_ your fault!" the female voice answered in reply as the two walked around the corner.

Miranda realized that her suspicions were right. There were Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, obviously in yet another disagreement.

Ron threw up his hands. "When?" he demanded.

"How about the time in first year with the troll?" she asked, the moment still fresh in her memory. "Or how about third year when you accused Crookshanks? Or the way you handled yourself all of fourth? Need I continue?"

This caused Ron to groan. "Fine. Blame me for fourth year. But you were the one that ran off to that bathroom stall in first year!"

Hermione bristled. "So it's my fault that the troll was there? Yes Ronald, I should have consulted Trelawney about that first!"

"I still hold I was not at fault." Ron insisted. "I know I didn't let the bloody thing in the castle."

"No, that was Quirrel's fault." Hermione admitted as the two walked past Miranda and down the hall, so immersed in their argument that they failed to notice her. "It was your fault I was crying in there in the first place!"

"So we're back to that again, are we?" he seethed as the two made their way upstairs towards Gryffindor Tower.

Miranda stared after them with a mixture of amusement and confusion on her face. "That was different." she commented before continuing on her way. Her walk was now fairly quiet, but it gave her time to think about the things she had witnessed. She began to mentally count them: 'There was the stolen strawberries which was quite odd. Then there was conversation between Draco and Blaise about locking some Gryffindors in a closet, which was probably connected to the Gryffindors that Snape found in the closet. And finally there was the argument between Ron and Hermione. Somehow I get the feeling these events are connected.' Before Miranda could even give the encounter a thought, she noticed Professor Snape stalking away, looking very disgruntled. "Blasted Potter." he could be heard muttering, making his way down the stairs, not noticing Miranda.

Smiling as he walked by, Miranda continued on her way, determined to get to Gryffindor Tower. She walked up the stairs and found herself on the fifth floor. It also happened that she found herself eavesdropping on yet another conversation.

"I wonder if they figured it out yet." a familiar voice questioned.

There was a slight pause before a second voice made itself known. "Hard to say. I should think it quite obvious though."

"Quite right." the first voice agreed. "And it was genius, if I do say so myself Fred."

"It was indeed George." the second voice replied. "And to think nobody noticed."

The two laughed and then realized Miranda was standing not far from them. "You must be the new professor everyone was talking about." George said with a smile.

"Yes." Miranda answered, not sure where this was going. "I'm Miranda Drason."

"Pleased to meet you!" Fred exclaimed, taking her hand and shaking it. "Anyone who did what you did to the Slytherins is good in our book."

A grin spread on her face. "Well, anyone who could do what you did to Snape's office falls under awesome in my book." she replied.

"Now about what you heard just a few minutes ago..." Fred started.

"I'm not going to say anything." she said with a shrug. 'Seeing as I don't know what they were talking about. Yet.' she mentally added.

Fred and George shared a look of relief before their faces lit up with twin grins. "Wicked!" they exclaimed in unison, before setting off down the hall.

"If you ever need help with Snape, you know who to call." George called out.

As she watched them walk off, something hit her. "Hey!" she called. "Can you help me get to Gryffindor Tower?"

The two stopped and motioned her forward. "Follow us." Fred answered, leading her down the hall. They climbed some more stairs, making Miranda wish she would never have to see another stair again, and brought her to the seventh floor.

"Here you are. The seventh floor." George said. "And home to Gryffindor Tower, among other things."

Having finally caught her breath, Miranda turned to them. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

"No problem." George said, waving it off.

Just then, Dean exited the common room with an armful of books and what appeared to be a singed piece of parchment.

"What'd you do?" Fred asked eyeing the parchment. "Sit too close to the fire?"

"No, _Ron_ did this." he said as he looked at the parchment. "Something to do with Hermione and Malfoy." he added.

"Let's go Fred." George said with a grin. "I want to see this."

Fred nodded. "This should be good."

"If you see Seamus, tell him I'm going to the library." Dean called towards the retreating Weasleys, receiving a nod in return.

As Dean started down the stairs, Miranda followed Fred and George. After walking a few feet, they stopped as they spotted Seamus come racing down the hall carrying several posters.

"Hey Seamus!" George called. "Dean wanted us to give you a message!"

Seamus stopped and looked at them curiously. "Oh really? What'd he have to say?"

"He said that he was going to the library." Fred recited.

'Is that it?" Seamus asked sadly. "That's all he said?"

Fred looked at George. "Was there anything else George?"

George shook his head. "Nope. I believe that was all."

Seamus sighed. "Of course. I shouldn't have expected anything else. Why do I bother?" He then took off in the direction of the library.

Fred and George shrugged before walking towards the entrance to the Gryffindor common rooms, Miranda slowly following behind.

"There it is." Fred proclaimed, pointing to the portrait. "The Fat Lady: gateway to all of your Gryffindor needs."

"Unless you're a Slytherin." George added. He then whispered the password and the portrait swung open. "So, are you coming?" he asked Miranda.

She thought about it and then shook her head. "No, you two go ahead. I need to think about something first."

Fred and George shrugged. "Alright."

"But remember our offer." George added just before the two disappeared through the hole and into the heart of Gryffindor.

Miranda smiled and sighed. So far she had not discovered anything that could be helpful for Dumbledore. Then a thought hit her, causing her to smile. She may not have discovered something that could be used for the war effort, but she had managed to stumble onto something else. Well, _things_. And she could not believe she had not seen them sooner. Making up her mind, she decided she would resolve the problem. With a little help of course.

At that moment, the portrait opened again and out came Fred and George Weasley. "Still here, are you?" Fred asked as they walked toward her.

"Yes." she answered. "And I have a proposition for you." she added, her arms crossed and a smirk on her face.

"Does it involve Snape?" George asked eagerly.

Miranda moved in closer. "Better." she replied.

The twins looked at her mischievously. "We're in." they said in unison, even though they had not yet heard what she had in mind.

"Perfect!" she exclaimed. "Let's go to my office and discuss this."

OOOOO

Two hours, several fights, and the removal of countless house points later saw four sixth years sitting in a potions classroom serving detention. Despite it all, they had learned some things tonight.

Firstly, it appeared that starting a food fight in the Great Hall resulted in the removal of points and a stern lecture, but arguing with a fellow Gryffindor inside a locked hall closet and being discovered by Snape brought the added bonus of detention.

"You're a git." Hermione told Ron as she glared daggers at him.

It also appeared that two weeks of detention came from McGonagall catching a Slytherin and Gryffindor physically fighting outside of Gryffindor Tower, and then learning that said Slytherin was responsible for two said Gryffindors getting said previous detention.

"For once I agree with you, Mudblood." Draco Malfoy conceded, a sneer on his face.

Hermione shot him a glare. "Don't." she stated.

"This is all his fault." Ron complained, pointing at Draco. "_He's_ the git!"

"Watch it Weasel." Draco warned, hand going to his wand. The two now stood, facing each other with contempt.

Hermione stood from her seat and walked in front of the two, wand pointed between them. "Stop it, both of you. Right now you're both gits."

Finally, it appeared that McGonagall catching a certain Gryffindor beating a certain Slytherin to a pulp, combined with a suspicious Snape, led to a month of detentions.

"Snape's a git." Harry suddenly muttered from across the room, causing three sets of eyes to look at him.

Ron sighed. "I agree with you there, mate."

"Shut up Ron." Harry said with a glare.

"I give up!" Ron exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "I don't even know what I did!"

"You know perfectly well!" Hermione cried.

Having forgotten about Draco, Ron turned to Hermione. "No. We're not going through _this_ again!"

"Bloody Gryffindors." Draco muttered to himself as he walked to the other side of the room, not far from Harry.

"I hope you realize where you're standing." Harry said, glare still present.

Draco leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. "Away from inevitable bloodshed no doubt."

Harry looked at him as though he had lost his mind. "You're standing by me, you git!"

"Hmm, so I am." he replied casually. "What of it?"

"We're bloody enemies, that's what!" Harry cried, throwing his arms in the air.

Draco walked over to stand right in front of Harry, leaning down to look him right in the face. "Listen up Potter, because I am only going to say this once. We may be enemies, but your _friends_ over there are having what appears to be a lovers quarrel. Now I may be a Slytherin, but I am in no ways foolish. That would be where you bloody Gryffindors come in, with your idiotic notions of bravery and courage. No, I know that when Granger becomes psychotic, it is in my best interests to stay as far away as possible. Even a Hufflepuff could tell you that."

"Yes, but do you also know that it would be in your best interests not to mess with me?" Harry asked, a smirk on his face. "There are a lot of people that fear me."

Draco laughed. "Honestly Potter. The day I fear you is the day Hell freezes over and I go ice skating in a pink tutu."

Harry's eyes lit up. "Well then, Malfoy, you better invest in a pair of skates, and soon. As for the tutu, I'm sure Pansy can lend you her's. But what am I saying? You probably have your own."

"As fascinating as this conversation has been, your detention is now over." Miranda replied, standing next to the two quarreling boys.

Harry and Draco both stopped and turned to look at her. "Where's Professor Snape?" Harry asked. "He told us not to leave until he came back."

"He told me, rather reluctantly I might add, to tell you your detention's over." she answered, before adding, "He never said why he couldn't do it himself, but I did hear him mutter something about there being 'more than one way to skin a weasel.' Not really sure what that's about."

"Hmm, I wonder why I never thought of that." Draco thought aloud, looking in the direction of the still arguing Ron and Hermione. Then he thought of something else. "How long have you been here?" he asked Miranda with a calculating look.

"Long enough to know that pink is definitely not your color." Miranda replied, a smile on her face. Draco shot her a glare before storming out of the potions class. "Maybe I was wrong." she admitted with a shrug. "Yep, I can now see his hair and eyes could go perfectly with pink. Although a darker color would probably be better." It was then that she noticed Ron and Hermione, still arguing on the other side of the room. "Excuse me a moment." she said to Harry, before heading over. "Hey you two! Detention's over. Stop or you'll get another one!"

"I can see this is going to be a long year." Harry sighed as he walked over to help.

A/N: Yep, as Harry put it'll be a long year. As to the next chapter (if anyone still wants one after this fiasco), I'll try to get it up this week. If not, it'll have to wait until I get back from Spring Break (about March 19th). So, yeah. Also, it will better explain this one. Actually, it'll be Neville who fills in the missing pieces for us. Finally: Please, please review! I do appreciate it, knowing that someone's reading this :)

Now to my reviewer:

henriette - sorry there was so much Miranda in this chapter. However, she has a secret that she's keeping which will connect her to our characters. It's something that's a little unexpected. Also, I changed the slip on Percy's gender! I honestly did not mean to put those there. It was a result of having originally had a different, _female_, character in that part. At the last moment I changed it to Percy and failed to catch the gender errors. Oops! Thanks for catching those.


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